How Break-Ups are Level Ups - Building Self-Trust

It's the worst pain for sure. We lose someone we love. We are stuck in the longing, analyzing, and grief.

We all like to think grief heals with time.

But that's not true.

Grief isn't a process, it's a practice - meaning we may have a relationship with it forever.

But instead of pushing it away, we must invite it in.

The hardest part is to accept that we get the miracle of life, but with that miracle, we have to accept the suffering of life as well. It becomes a practice to work with these feelings.

Think about the emotional payoff you might be getting by staying sad and heartbroken.

Are you getting to tell the story of how much it hurt so people will see you as a victim and give you more attention/love?

But when you are ready to be courageously honest with yourself, ask how you may be using this to connect with people, deny yourself, and stay stuck by being hurt.

We may unconsciously do this so we get attention and love.

Think about it- when you are sick/hurt, someone showed you care.

We may be doing this because we think that is the only way we will get love without even knowing it.

This takes deep work.

Staying stuck too long in grief, pain, anguish is playing the Victim role.

Again, you might not even know you are doing it.

It's really a huge Mind Fuck.

But the best thing we can do is really look at ourselves honestly, feel the pain, feel the unworthiness, grieve for a bit.

And then take grief by the hand as we keep building up ourselves. 

Grief comes along with you. Really see yourself holding that grief, calming that grief, and caring for the grief that is there.

What you are doing with even just the imagining of that scene is CARING for yourself. You are being the CAREGIVER you may never had.

You are loving you.

When you are ready, know that the grief and pain will not overwhelm you if you let them out.

See the trust is in YOU! 

The trust is not in the world, other people, or time. The trust is not outside yourself.

The trust that you are capable of doing hard things and the trust that you are rebuilding your core self in a loving, and more solid way. The trust is that you can love you, that you can be what you need, that you can identify your needs and desires and have the power to get what you want.

This distinction matters.

We are building self-trust inside through this break up. 

The grief and pain point you back to you.

What a gift!